As I threw my phone at my cupboard my room mates stare in shock, as tears over flow me, they say nothing, I jump up with anger and toss everything out, finding my running shoes I hide away, I put them on and leaving the mess,,I take my keys and leave with a huge storm banging every door I pass, walking towards the bus stop my tears are still going, how could she! She pushed me, but then again, was I the one doing all the pushing..as the bus comes I hop on with even more tears, everyone stares as if something has happen, something did happen but no one knew about that, as I waited to get off at the next bus stop I cried and cried, Like a baby left at someone door step, who knew the pain I carry would lead me to the doors of the Lord, I question everything, why did she stop loving me? Why did she stop believe in me? The one who believed I could do anything now was the one who thought I was a lost course, what happen? All these questions hit me like a wave of fire burning me inside out, the bus stops and I hop off, it’s a beautiful day yet I don’t feel beautiful at all, I start to run, and do not stop, hearing cars hoot at me I keep running, I was mad, sad, even more I had no idea what I felt towards the company who was meant to help me, I did everything for them, I did everything they asked me to do yet I was still not good enough then they bashed me with a photo of me against my will and when I asked it being removed they never removed it stating it was a good photo but cutting me out, oh how they cut my heart in to sheds and enjoy every moment of it, even when it was over a year old they still used it, who are they to destroy my life, now they take the one person who ever believed in me, and who do I have now? Its as if my world has been turn up side down, and I had no voice in it, there was only one person I had and that person I was running to, with speed as a horse, jumping along cars and missing pot holes, I ran to the one person who understands rejection and pain, as I stood in front of the doors of grace and peace, I enter them with pain and greet my fellow brothers, “hey can I go to the prayer room”? “Yes of course” as I walked in to the prayer room I fell on my knees flat down, pouring out my pain and hurt to the Lord, this was war, this was the war of my life, I was not going be like them, I was not going hate them, I was only going love them in prayers and in tears too. This wasn’t about being right anymore this was bigger and I was not going fall back in to depression, I was going fight and I was going fight with everything I got. I felt peace as I was on my knees. I knew it was time to trust God and even when I had every reason to give up I was not going give up.
I was going remember the good they did, I was going remember the good she did, I was going love them even when they blamed me for their mess up stupid mistakes But I was going love them in prayers and I was going talk good things about them even when they spoke death over me, Who knew Matthew 5;44 (But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you) would be the very thing I had to do. As I got up and left the building of hope I started to run and speed over along the bridge of death, was this a big mess and oh I had to face it but I had to face it with Jesus right by my side, the one who loves me and never will give up on me, with the many tears i had i waited for my bus home, Oh how life is going change and oh how this is going change me like a broken cup being re build, this was the beginning of a very big war, a war I was ready for.