In life we try our best to put on a brave face and make people think we are okay when really we are not okay.
How many times have you try to hold back your tears because you feel you are going be judged?
How many times you hold back how you feel because you afraid you will be judged ?
I will be starting a series on suicide and how to watch out for the signs no one is even aware of. This is part of it.
We all wear masks. Everyone in the hole wide world has a mask on to hide who they really are.
A mask is a manner or expression that hides one's true character or feelings.
Are you one of those people who falls in this patten ?
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be like everyone else when God created you and me just the way he wanted to. We are special and he loves us.
Mask 1 is happinesses.
How hard do we try to look (happy) when really we are so broken? Often we try to make others happy yet we are so utterly depress and that can lead to greater loss. We need to look out for this number one killer because it can kill. If we are not *honest* about how we really feel we will kill our self's and let me tell you ALWAYS be honest about how you feel because when you are not it can build up and one day you wake up and go ka boom!
Be (you) there no you anywhere else. Who cares what people think , you allow to be sad and to cry and to be broken.
Mask 2. (Strong ) we always put on a brave face and act as if we are strong and I'm not saying we not strong but I'm saying we are weak too and we are allow to be so. Sometimes being strong is simply falling down and crying.
And mask 3 is joy. Yep you read right. Joy is the biggest lie. Ever. Ever ever and did I say ever ? I'm not saying we can't be joyful but I'm saying we can't earn it or just "have" it. People think joy is just something you have but its not. Joy comes from Jesus Christ and only he can give you that joy, But when you try to be joyful you will only damage your self and end up going (ka boom!)
At the moment I am really digging for some answers from God and asking him why oh why am I so broken when I discover that one of the most dangerous prayers one could pray for is to break me. When I read this I was like Holy cheese ! How can one pray to be broken ?
Then I realize that in order for God to use us we need to be more like Jesus and the only way we can be more like him is by being broken so God can make us brand new.
We are allow to be broken and we are allow to cry scream and be depress and don't let anyone tell you other wise but I encourage you strongly to seek God more then ever when you in this season and to allow people in. There are people who care you just need to find them.
The other day I was so hurt by someone who isn't really in my life anymore when she got someone to send me something instead of her doing it her self I was so angry and mad that I relapse (yes I have a struggle I have not shared yet and will share one day ) I remember I went to bed even worse. The next day I fell in to tears at work and couldn't even do my work well. I realize that the hurt this person caused me I was not over. I thought I was over it, I thought I could face her and love her but I knew I couldn't because it was so sore. When on a Friday morning I woke up from a bad dream of her but in tears but this time these tears were different. I got up dressed for work, made lunch and then went to lay down. I remember I was still crying and I just lay there, and all I said was Jesus please comfort me because I am broken and all I need is you to hold me at that moment I felt God so strongly then ever before.
I was honest with Jesus but i also didn't say anything else. I only said comfort me. Sometimes that's all we need. Sometimes all we need to do is to go up to someone we trust and say hey I'm broken comfort me. That's all we need to do. We need to reach out and be true.
Don't let the masks keep you from over coming hurt and pain. You much more worth then that.
Reach out and be you.