Cath Lisa

Cath Lisa

Saturday, 24 February 2018

The search is on

After my recent suicide attempt it has left a few people struggling with it even more how I struggle with it, I am currently in treatment and it has really help me a lot to discover a lot , about who I am as a person and who really cares for me. As soon as I went in to treatment a few people vanish and I was left alone , I was heart broken but I latter realize the people who stand by me are the only ones who matter. 

Its hard to get help when you watch the people around you struggle. I had to walk away from a friend because she lied to me , I thought perhaps she was struggling but even so being dishonest is not cool. 

As I find myself on a journey to healing I discover how much Jesus wasn't really part of this and how much I wanted him to be apart of this. 
It was hard for me to reach out to him because I was so ashamed and so guilty for my suicide attempt, I found myself really just not able to speak to him like I use to. 

When this past Sunday we had a speaker at church and as I was sitting I just knew I had to run up and re commit my life to Christ but I was scared I would be judged and I was pride. 

That night I recommitted my life to Christ and was touch by him. 
I became more hungry then ever. 
I started to search again for Jesus but in the word yet I struggle to. As I began to open up to a few people I had mix responses. I realize I was alone in this search , I wanted to stick to Jesus and remain committed but I didnt know how. I didnt know how to pray or read my bible anymore. I was just not getting the right food in. 

Life is hard, being a Christian is hard because you get many set backs and the devil will try his best to get you to quit and sadly I have given up a few times. Is it okay for me to give up? Well I think its okay for me to not be okay but I think its important for me to keep searching for Jesus and keep digging for him because only deep within will I find my break though.

No comments:

Post a Comment